John went to the store the other day. He was only in there for about five minutes, and when he came out there was a motorcycle cop writing a parking ticket. So John went up to him and said, ‘Come on buddy, how about giving a guy a break?’

He ignored John and continued writing the ticket. So John called him a stupid idiot. He glared at him and started writing another ticket for having bald tires!

Then John really got angry at the cop. He finished the second ticket and put it on the car with the first. Then he started writing a third ticket!

This went on for about 20 minutes. The more John abused him, the more tickets he wrote. John didn’t care. His car was parked around the corner.

Original joke found here.

Policemen run around all day with their AOF!

Another joke from Santa’s Holiday Humor Page :

Enjoy and Happy Holidays!

This guy goes into his dentist’s office, because something is wrong with his mouth. After a brief examination, the dentist exclaims, “Holy Smoke! That plate I installed in your mouth about six months ago has nearly completely corroded! What on earth have you been eating?” “Well… the only thing I can think of is this… my wife made me some asparagus about four months ago with this stuff on it… Hollandaise sauce she called it… and doctor, I’m talkin’ DELICIOUS! I’ve never tasted anything like it, and ever since then I’ve been putting it on everything… meat, fish, toast, vegetables… you name it!” “That’s probabably it,” replied the dentist “Hollandaise sauce is made with lemon juice, which is acidic and highly corrosive. It seems as thought I’ll have to install a new plate, but made out of chrome this time.” “Why chrome?” the man asked. “Well, everyone knows that there’s no plate like chrome for the Hollandaise!”

Looking for a holiday gift for a dentist? Give them something they will appreciate.

It’s officially the holiday season!! woohoo! This is a great website for Christmas jokes and humor! http://www.santaclaus.com/christmas-humor.php Kinda cheesy at times, but still great for a chuckle.

For all the “early” holiday shoppers out there…

It was Christmas and the judge was in a merry mood as he asked the prisoner, “What are you charged with?” “Doing my Christmas shopping early,” replied the defendant. “That’s no offense,” said the judge. “How early were you doing this shopping?” “Before the store opened,” countered the prisoner.

Beat the lines this year and shop online! My-AOF offers products for everyone on your nice list.

Fresh out of business school, the young man answered a want ad for an accountant. Now he was being interviewed by a very nervous man who ran a small business that he had started himself.

“I need someone with an accounting degree,” the man said. “But mainly, I’m looking for someone to do my worrying for me.”

“Excuse me?” the accountant said.

“I worry about a lot of things,” the man said. “But I don’t want to have to worry about money. Your job will be to take all the money worries off my back.”

“I see,” the accountant said. “And how much does the job pay?”

“I’ll start you at eighty thousand.”

“Eighty thousand dollars!” the accountant exclaimed. “How can such a small business afford a sum like that?”

“That,” the owner said, “is your first worry.”

Original Joke found here

Are you a small business owner? Then you know what it’s like running around all day with your ass on fire!!

Wow October is a busy month for many different observances.  Some may be unknown, but hey it’s still great to have any reason at all to celebrate! Some of my favorites…

• Class Reunion Month
• Emotional Intelligence Month
• Go Hog Wild – Eat Country Ham  (what?!)
• National Bake and Decorate Month
• National Chiropractic Month
• National Breast Cancer Awareness Month
• National Dental Hygiene Month
• National Chili Month
• National Go on a Field Trip Month
• Photographer Appreciation Month
• National Book Month
• Women’s Small Business Month
• Self Promotion Month
• Squirrel Awareness Month – haha
• Positive Attitude Month

I did not make these up!! see the complete list here

Know someone that could use a laugh this month? Celebrate a holiday know matter how obscure with an AOF gift!

One Sunday afternoon a couple sees an ad in the paper. They can’t believe their eyes. There is a house in the paper for $1000 that is in the nicest part of town. We are talking about a Highland Park mansion for $1000. They think this has to be a misprint, but decide to call anyway.

They say to lady who answers we saw your ad, and realize it is a misprint correct. She tells them no it’s not & you are actually the first ones to call.
They decide to go look at the house. They race over as fast as they can. They pull up to the most beautiful house on the block. In front of the house is a fountain that cost at least $30,000. They ring the door bell & the lady answers. She starts showing them the house. They realize this house is over 5000 sq ft and it is obvious that expense was not a problem in building this house. The house had marble imported from Italy & a chandelier imported from France. The landscaping was breath taking & the house had a great pool & a nice tennis court.

The couple said to the lady this is the most beautiful house we have ever seen, what’s the catch? The lady assured the couple there was no catch. The couple wanted the house for $1,000 but was leery of doing the deal. Finally the lady said you seem like a nice couple, so I’ll let you know the truth.
She told them this house is completely paid for, and not a penny is owed against it. Well, last week I got a call from my Husband. He informed me he is leaving me for his secretary. He then told me I could have everything we own as long as he could have the proceeds off the sale of the house. I agreed and he asked me if I could sell the house while he & his new girlfriend hung out in the Caribbean?
HOUSE SOLD.

Joke courtesy of http://www.azlistedhomes.com/Real_Estate_Jokes.html

Know of a realtor in need of a laugh? AOF products make great gifts!

There was an engineer who had an exceptional gift for fixing all things mechanical. After serving his company loyally for over 30 years, he happily retired.

Several years later the company contacted him regarding a seemingly impossible problem they were having with one of their multi-million dollar machines. They had tried everything and everyone else to get the machine fixed, but to no avail. In desperation, they called on the retired engineer who had solved so many of their problems in the past. The engineer reluctantly took the challenge.

He spent a day studying the huge machine. At the end of the day, he marked a small “x” in chalk on a particular component of the machine and proudly stated, “This is where your problem is”.

The part was replaced and the machine worked perfectly again. The company received a bill for $50,000 from the engineer for his service. They demanded an itemized accounting of his charges.

The engineer responded with the following account:

Chalk: $1

Knowing where to put it: $49,999

It was paid in full and the engineer retired again in peace.

A man who had been in a mental institution for several years improved to the point where he might be released. After passing several tests, it came time for his final interview with his psychiatrist.

“Tell me,” said the doctor, “if we release you, as we are considering, what do you plan to do with your life?”

The inmate said, “It would be wonderful to get back to real life, and if I do, I will certainly refrain from making my former mistake. I was a nuclear physicist, you see, and it was the stress of my work in weapons research that helped to put me here. If I am released, I shall limit myself to work in pure theory, where I believe the situation will be less difficult and stressful.”

“Wonderful,” said the psychiatrist.

“Or else,” continued the patient, “I might teach. There is something to be said for dedicating your life to expanding the knowledge of young people.”

“Definitely,” said the psychiatrist.

“Then again, I might write. There is always a need for books on science, or I may even write a novel based on my experiences in the psychiatric institution.”

“Another interesting possibility,” agreed the doctor.

“And finally, if none of these things appeals to me, I can always continue to be a teakettle.”

A nun is undressing for a bath and while she’s standing naked, there’s a knock at the door. The nun calls, “Who is it?”

A voice answers, “A blind salesman.”

The nun decides to get a thrill by having the blind man in the room while she’s naked so she lets him in. The man walks in, looks straight at the nun and says, “Uhhhh, well hello there, can I sell you a blind, dearie…?”

Joke courtesy of  www.realestatehumor.com

I just discovered prankfield.com. According to their website they are the “#1 place for quality pranks.” The categories of pranks range from cars to store to phones and much more!

I, of course, found the workplace jokes to be quite entertaining. This one was my favorite:

This will only work when temps outside are 25degrees or lower. Lower the better. Grab a garden house and spray the entire front of the building for at least 30 mins after everyone else has left. Pay more attention to the front door. Ice will form and become thicker and thicker the longer you spray. And when your co-workers arrive the next morning it will look like a winter wonderland. And oh yea…they will have fun just trying to get in the door.

If you need a funny gift for a co-worker or boss, be sure to check out the AOF store.